frozen, sweetie pie

i know i should turn it off.
i'm not even looking at it.
the volume is turned to nothing because I'm finding myself  watching more sounds from my childhood on youtube than anything else.. the air is heavy still, there was a false start into fall last night, tempratures grazing 90 and steadily held on as the humidity dipped and the wind kicked me into a patio chair with pursed lips and a sugar spice inhale. i sank in with a hot cuppa- sweat keept my white stark skin glowing in the citronella light.. i picked up a pen and sketched on one knee and thought that the rain coming down in half steps meant that summer was finally over...
walk back in, cause dark calls friends away, always away, and i don't want to go through these thoughts with out a smile wink and nod of knowing what i'm like when i do that thing i do, these sweet stickly lips half grin into a shared inside joke with my own id. ed. dead. time for a shake of a brush off and a tuck away and i'll lie awake thinking of what is on the other side of the window.
we walk away and turn around three times, tuck tails between legs and  make excuses for why six months to a year to maybe more it is ok to be silent, because when we are not.. it means something.  i ask to sleep in late to dream in black and white to scramble brains and eggs in a hot pan pillow and maybe something will change..
i could take a pill.
i could find another thrill,
but then i'd not wake up to the musings of a banana spider sucking on my left toe.  shifty, lessly, lucy, rushi, ruu.. something about newspaper tucked under a pg tip makes me think back to thoughts of a
different colour, scent error.. nag champa that i can't burn less i'm alone in the apple tree.. this tightens. this binds, this is a kind of corset for  a reset button refrain, killer klowns from outer space lurk in my queue and i've tomorrow off..
it really is too bad that i can't shake this sleep....
so instead i'll sew a felt bunny
i'll write out half a name,
i'll make soap that smells like me, to keep things consistant.. diet cola,
giagantor says:
i knead a cola...